Why Having Fun is a Major Goal for My 2020.

It's the end of the first quarter and the mother of all wrenches (I'm talkin bout the Rona) has been thrown into all of our plans, and I'm talking about 2020 goals? That's right because despite the strange and new circumstances we find ourselves in I'm determined that this remains a priority for my year.

So this is a major goal, as in it's on my vision board, a little message from me to me "Have a good time and lots of fun this year." It became a focus for me when I realised that I was carrying resentment for what I see as a misspent youth. I've mentioned before that I did not spend my teens and twenties exploring myself or life as I feel one should, and my awakening only started after I was married. I felt bitter about the people and places that I could not experience while in a committed, long-term relationship.

This feeling was triggered when I realized, I mean fully knew it down to my core, that I was never going to fit the mould I thought I needed to in order to gain the approval and love from significant others in my life. When I realised that that skin wouldn't make it past my thighs, it took me a moment to let go of the desire to wear it. Was I being lazy? Inconsiderate? Uncompromising? It wasn't any of that - I'm all for self-improvement but it will never work in the long term if you feel that the bar is always out of reach or that any growth or progress is only compared to the fact that you haven't achieved the final form desired.

If you cant make a personality change in 20 years you probably can't change in that way.

This realisation and acceptance occurred 2018 into 2019, and when I realised that I could go crazy trying to be something that I thought other people wanted or give up, I chose the latter, cut off my hair and regained a fragment of my peace.

Then I looked at the lingering anger in my chest and concluded that part of it was linked to the fact that I wanted to experience the sort of revelry that goes along with being young and unafraid. Let's call it a third-life crisis, tempered by the fact that I'm not going to recklessly destroy the life I've made so far - there's more than just my happiness at stake.

So hence my goal of fun and good times (within responsible perimeters). The result I'm hoping for is a deeper exploration of myself because I'm interested in me and I completely believe that knowing yourself is the best way to make decisions about moving forward with life. I want to experience as much as I can, make memories and become someone I enjoy being. For you cynical Cedrics reading this, I will admit that the pursuit of happiness or curiosity can sometimes lead to harsh lessons or terrible disappointments but I am willing to encounter them because at least I'll be living my life.

The current state of the globe may mean that I can't go out and have a good time IRL but if this point in time has shown anything, it's how seriously people need entertainment and the swiftness of human adaptation. I'm tuning in more, participating more and trying things out of my unique comfort zone and since I, personally, haven't cancelled 2020, I'm still optimistic about the later part of this year and the lessons it has yet to bring.

So my sweets, even though Rona has got you staying in and away from others, are there any goals you're finessing because it's just that important to you? I'd like to hear about it.

Me hearing the call of a good time.