Security vs Sublimity

In early 2017, I had the opportunity to work with a young digital media team, and got a small taste of a creative industry that I admire and had been stalking for a couple years well at that time. In the midst of it all, it appeared (maybe only to me) that I may have had the opportunity to join the team on a full time basis. I wanted to jump, leap, dive at the chance to do so but that ambition was not to be fulfilled.

What you should know is that I worked in corporate retail - day in and day out, I tended to clients and their demands and literally pushed paper. When feeling low and reflective, I would day dream of days filled with creating things, freedom to move through my day as I want and feeling as if I'm doing something that is of actual consequence. What you should also know is that was I'm married, with a very young child (6 months) and a freshly minted mortgage just stretching out for the next 30 years.

So, my conflict was, do I take a leap of faith that this small team at, which relies solely on the creator/founder for capital investment, is going to swim and not sink? Or do I accept that we are living in uncertain economic times and that a permanent position with a large corporation is the safer option for my family? Security or sublimity?

Of course, my practical husband urged caution and highlighted all that could go wrong teaming up with an employer I barely knew. I could get scammed, the commute from east to west Trinidad would be time consuming and tiring, the demands on my time would be unknown and most likely inconvenient to the family unit, the business could go bust or I could possibly be kidnapped and sold into slavery. To be fair some of these issues were brought up by the prospective employer herself (not the human trafficking) and technically there was a chance that any one of those scenarios could play out. But at the time, I felt like a thirst mad desert survivor, being offered water but it was being held out of my reach.

I was tired of being practical and making the safe choice.

The preceding 2-3 years had taught me some valuable lessons and shaken me awake.

Life does not reward you for playing it safe and every aspect of life that you care about requires effort.

I had put myself out there, applied for the chance to work with who I felt were very cool people and the validation of being chosen felt good. In my head I felt I could overcome any obstacle that would come my way, and I saw myself perfectly juggling my new work responsibilities with wife-hood, motherhood, daughter-hood, sisterhood and feeling only the content smugness of doing something where I could see definite, tangible results.

The truth bore down on me in just a couple months though. Towards the end of the internship I was lagging and could not commit the time needed for the simple tasks I was assigned. It broke my heart but I accepted that the timing and situation was not right for me. But it did give me a taste of something and I wanted more (I left my 10 year corporate job in May 2018). I had to choose security yet again but I think with continuous work, internal and external (big up self-awareness), I'll be able reach a state of sublimity and take joy in my work. That definitely means doing something creative, even if it is part time and this blog should serve to explore that side me.

If you're feeling what I'm saying or have had to choose between the safe and the reckless, leave me a comment below. I would also love any constructive feedback :}

Actual photo of C. Belcon looking for her dream life.

#dreamjob #security #blog #blogpost #digitalmedia #takingchances